Marriage is wonderful, but it certainly isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is something that takes constant effort and work, and both people involved have to be willing to put in the work, one sided doesn’t work. It has been almost 2 years since Aaron and I have gotten married and I have learned more than I ever thought in those two years, but the biggest lessons? Marriage ebbs and flows & communication is key.
What do I mean by marriage ebbs and flows?
There are days and sometimes weeks where Aaron and I cannot seem to get on the same page. We bicker over silly things and there seems to be a struggle to act as a team. We are still young and learning, we get selfish and stressed, we love each other but tend to take our stress out on each other too. This tends to happen the most when we have a lot going on individually or we are on opposite schedules. Right now Aaron is finishing clinical and I am working/studying. He goes to bed early but has weekends off, I tend to want to stay up later and I work weekends, it makes it hard to have any kind of routine together. When we notice that we are arguing over stupid things a lot or just getting annoyed with each other we try to get out of the apartment and go for a walk or just spend some time together away from our norm. We realize when we both have steady jobs and life settles down a bit, this will get easier, but we have both realized that there will be good days and not so good days.
Communication is key…seriously, talk it out. This one is easier said then done for me. I tend to take things to heart easily and then get defensive, so I know I am not the easiest person to talk to. The effort has to be made to communicate how you feel, it has taken me 7 years (and I am still learning) that Aaron cannot read my mind, if I want something done or I want him to know how I feel I have to tell him, which isn’t always easy. I would love to come home to a clean house and dinner ready…but those are not things he typically thinks of doing on his days off and if I hold those expectations I just get disappointed and frustrated, so if I want it done I have to ask. It sounds so simple, but it isn’t always. Open communication is so important, it does no good holding in your stress and feelings.
I still have a lot to learn and a lot to work on, I am not perfect and our marriage is certainly not perfect, but we love each other and we have years and years ahead of us to continue to learn and grow together.
What do you think the key is to marriage?