We have been married almost 6 months. Can you believe it? I definitely cannot. Being a newlywed you are offered so much advice in the beginning, but what we have learned is that we need to do our own thing, learn our own way, and just never stop learning about each other. I thought I would share a few issues we have faced and how we solved the problems.
1. No technology in the bedroom, unless mutually agreed upon.
We started getting annoyed that we were constantly glued to our technology, it seems like one of us is glued to an ipod, computer, or kindle 24/7. I decided to approach Aaron and see how he felt about keeping technology out of the bedroom. We could buy an alarm clock which would allow for us to keep our phones in the living room. I wont lie, it all started when Aaron started playing a game he is hooked on, on his ipod. When I became more aware of how much time he spent on it, I became more aware of how much I am glued to my computer. So this agreement would be a win-win. I started by telling him I was going to keep my stuff out of the bedroom, and it eventually led to both of us not bringing our electronics in the room, except on the rare occasions we want to lounge in bed.
2. I figure out and cook what is for dinner Monday-Thursday, Aaron does Friday, and we do it together Saturday and Sunday.
Being in graduate school takes a toll on my time. Between homework, classes, and the blog I don’t get much “me” time. I started getting really stressed out that I would be gone from 5:30-5:30 (or later) and there would be dishes to do, laundry to be done, and dinner to make. I felt like I had to do it all, but when I asked for help Aaron came to the rescue. He doesn’t get home early enough to cook dinner during the week, so we came up with a solution that he would come up with and cook dinner Friday on his day off. It is hard to come up with something to eat every night, so the day off is perfect.
3. We try to not say always and never.
It is easy to have a conversation when you are frustrated and tell the person they ‘always’ do this or ‘never’ do this. Those are such harsh words though, think about it when you say it. Do they really ‘never’ help with the dishes, or do they sometimes forget to offer to help? We still use these words when we are stressed, but we have gotten a lot better, and it has helped us stay in a more conversation rather than escalate to a full fledge fight.
4. We laugh at each other. We make fun of each other.
If you can’t laugh at each other it can make things difficult. You need to be able to laugh at yourself, at each other, and with each other. Laughter is the best medicine.
Seriously, once we were having a geography conversation and I was so confused about how big Canada really was! I said some completely moronic stuff, but we were both cracking up the entire time.
5. Don’t have unrealistic expectations.
Some expectations are okay, but even then you risk being let down. In marriage though it is important to love each other for who you are, and not try to change each other. Aaron loves to throw his clothes on the floor, then I do laundry, and he fills the basket right back up with all the clothes from the floor. It used to make me so mad! I mean it isn’t too difficult to put clothes in a basket. I used to get on him about it, but it didn’t get me anywhere, and looking back on it he has always done it, in college he did the same thing. So rather than getting mad I simply asked if he would mind dumping them in the corner by the bed, that way at least they are in one spot and not spread out all over the floor.
To my married readers what have you learned since being married?