reverb11…scared is not a good feeling

Today’s prompt for reverb11 comes from Kaileen and it is…

Picture from weheartit

When were you scared? 
I decided to make this the second post I wrote today so that I could spend the day thinking about it, honestly when I get scared I tend to just shove the feeling deep inside and pretend I’m not scared…healthy right? The more I look back on 2011 the more I realized that there were so many times I felt scared, I am not sure I know how to even ‘feel’ the emotion of scared, it probably comes off as some other emotion. There were a lot of endings in 2011 for me like graduating college, moving to a big city, moving in with my fiance, and starting a new school. Out of all the moments in 2011 where I think what I was feeling was scared there is one that sticks out the most. The morning of graduation. Sure I was happy, joyful, ecstatic, and every other happy emotion, but I was also completely and utterly terrified. School was where I felt safe, school is what I knew how to do, school is where I had friends, and it was all about to end. I was nervous about what was coming next, especially since I knew graduate school would not be an option for me at this point. What was I going to do with my life? I think I had this idea of what I wanted it to be like in my head…I thought well I am a college graduate, I have a degree…who wouldn’t want to hire me? I figured life would be pony’s and rainbows, I figured I’d have a good job and would be living the life in Boston. Now I could sit here and say how it hasn’t worked out the way I imagined, but for real, things just don’t work out like you magically plan them in your head. The economy is struggling and I graduated in a bad year, I graduated when so many people are out of work and many who are much more qualified then me are also job hunting. I was scared as I walked down the aisle to get my diploma and I was scared when I went out to lunch to celebrate. I laid in bed that night in a fog, it had been such a special day and here I was ruining it by being scared. It was then that I realized maybe it just was not my time for graduate school, and that maybe there was something out there waiting for me. Well I was right, I fell in love with a new career path and I am working on getting into occupational therapy school starting in the summer. I also started blogging the summer after graduation, I think partly to help myself feel less scared, its an amazing outlet and even if I had no readers, simply expressing my thoughts helps the scared feeling I tuck deep inside of me, fizzle out a bit. Being scared motivated me in a way to start writing (which I love) and to sit down and figure out what career I would love to do. I say, use your scared emotion to motivate yourself. Create something from it, don’t tuck it away, let your scaredness shine (I know I just made up a word, but its totally okay!), make use of it and don’t let it stop you from dreaming big and doing big!

Anyone else feel scared this year?! Anyone learn something from it?

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend!

Wondering what the heck reverb11 is? Check out this post.


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